DON’T WANT TO GO THERE
Don’t want to go there; don’t want to get into that again,
Once was enough for a lifetime if you made it through
and I’m still not sure I have.
I don’t charge my hallucinations overnight anymore
and expect to wake up to an enlightened morning
that will reveal who I am
in this mess of a person I’m living
counter-intuitively against my better judgment.
You could have been me as far as I know
or I could have been you
or there was another dream
where we met in the middle between the two like a razorblade,
but you couldn’t see the crazy wisdom of it all
when the moon chalked the clouds
like a smudge on a blackboard
to show you how
and things just got darker.
Now the windows are not so insistent
and I can swim through myself for eras
without coming across any sign of myself or you.
Sixty sometimes feels like September on the moon
and who knows what comes up
in the furrows of what I’ve sown
now that the moon is nothing but a cold stone
in a vastly indifferent sky
and all that fire and passion
charged with the whole of creation in every atom
no longer believes the rain when it shows me your eyes.